A Brand New 36 year old’s Reflection: 30’s vs. 20’s

I remember my mom, as well as several other women older than I, saying that they still felt like they were 25 but just in an older body. It true! Well, sort of.

Let’s compare 25 year old me to the just turned 36 year old me (yes, 36. Old AF. JK JK)

25 year old me:

  • Did not care about skin care creams or their ability to fight aging
  • Was fresh out of a bad relationship and living in NYC
  • Also fresh off going to Italy by myself, propelled to do so because of said breakup. At least, that was my excuse. I really just wanted to go back to Italy if I’m being totally honest.
  • Was mainly motivated to meet new friends, have wild nights and crazy experiences, and just soak up everything Manhattan. Marquee. Hamptons share house. Zipcars. The late mid-late 2000’s in NYC  were quite fun! P.S. All of those things sound like lots of missed sleep and hangovers to me now.
  • Did NOT want a boyfriend, husband, kid, boss (except I had to have a boss, because I had to pay my bills, yo!)
  • Spent way too much time worrying what other people were thinking about me
  • Was a runner (no more than 2-3 miles), picked up boxing at Gleasons in Brooklyn, tried yoga for the first time, drank a lot of iced coffee (even in winter), ate a lot of meat
  • 20-something year old me has a birthday: Invite everyone I know to some loud bar/club and dance all night. Brunch the next day. Amazing!!! (Thank goodness social media hadn’t really taken off!)
  • Had late nights that probably included tequila shots and met up with friends for brunch the next day to discuss previous night’s events. Probably go out that night too. Probably go for a run first and get an iced coffee.
  • Biggest concern: Will I miss out on something really fun if I stay home?

This would be some time in….2007 I think?? One pic is in the Hamptons, the other was at Pink Elephant. We decided we had jobs and could get our own damn table and bottle service, thank you! #goals

36 year old me

  • Have taken an interest in the benefits of botox, face creams, and general jeti mind tricks of trying to wish away wrinkles
  • Have come to terms with the fact that traveling is a medicine I need in order to keep myself sane and have decided that it must be a life priority
  • Mainly motivated to be the best mother, wife and person I can be, and to find the next show I can binge watch while my toddler naps
  • I have a husband, baby girl, distinguished dog, and I am my own #girlboss
  • Care very little about what anyone thinks of me unless they are my kid. Or my dog. Or my husband, sometimes.
  • Still a runner (3-4 miles at a time mainly, unless it’s not 97 degrees in which case I may go further), half marathon completer, boot camp lover, meditator, and extremely part time yoga enthusiast. Eat very little meat, lots of cauliflower, still drink lots of iced coffee.
  • 36 year old me has a birthday: go to dinner at 5:30pm with my husband followed by a movie with very buttery popcorn and in bed by 10pm. Heaven!
  • Has more than 3 drinks and feels like complete garbage for the next 2 days, and swears to never. drink. again. Oh, and also gain 10lbs from those 3+ drinks. No clue how that happens.
  • Biggest concern: How can I make sure my child doesn’t grow up to be an a-hole or sell street drugs? Also, wrinkles.

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That would be circa now, the picture fit for a baby mag.

The part of me that still feels 25 is the part of me that still seeks adventure, friendship, and happy times. The part of me that is different wants to live my life for me and no one else, learn all I can and focus on living life in a happy vibration. I also watch way more tv shows than I ever have in my entire life now. I’m not exactly trying to proudly wave that flag, but I just tend to prefer that or a book and go to bed early rather than have some booze fueled house party til 2am. Clearly, there is no in between.

In the last year I’ve become extremely aware of my mortality and all the potential problems that could arise to take me away from my sweet baby or make me less able to do all the things I want to do! I see food as the fuel I need to generate the most Kung Fu cells in my body that can fight off any rogue cells that try to make their way into my organs and wreak havoc. I see my mind as a tool that can control my life and my happiness, so I spend a lot of time trying to get my mind on a high vibration (hello, meditation, mindfulness, and getting rid of negative thoughts!) I no longer think that everything is circumstantial. If I’m in a bad place in life it’s my own damn fault.

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This is actually from Burning Man just last year. I may be mid-thirties, but I still love doing crazy ish!

Health is extremely important to me. Now when I see someone drinking a Coke or a Pepsi I want to run up to them and say something like, “You are poisoning yourself! How can you treat yourself so poorly?!” But I don’t because that would be super un cool and probably get me punched in the face. But between me and you, I don’t understand why people complain about health problems while simultaneously poisoning their bodies.

I’m quite sure I’m not the only woman who got into their mid-thirties and started re-thinking life. I’m pretty sure I won’t be the last. 25 year old me would think 36 year old me was a wack job and made no sense. I may even make fun of me a little. 25 year old me also thought Lean Cuisines were healthy and meditation was the “devil’s work” and children were annoying.

25 year old me loved being friends with all types of people with all types of interests – even if it were interests I shouldn’t be around – because it kept things exciting. 36 year old me only wants to spend my precious time and life around people who live a positive life and influence me to keep living one as well. Negative types, pity party-ers, and users need not apply.

25 year old me thought I was pretty ok and did not do any self improvement what-so-ever, except for restrict my calories when I thought I had gained weight. 36 year old me realizes that I am far from perfect, will constantly keep evolving, and there are so many things that I don’t know. There are so many things that I don’t know that I don’t know! (Sacred Geometry?! Black holes?! Why Sex and the City had to end?!)

In the end, I wish I could go tell my 20-something self to stop partying so much, watch what I’m putting in my body, and follow my dreams without being worried about what others would think or waiting for the “right” time. I eventually did many of these things, it just took a long time for me to get there.

I can’t wait (wait yes I can) til I’m 46 and I look back and think what a clueless person I was when I was 36. It will be interesting to look back at this and probably roll my eyes…at myself…. while I drink coke and eat cheetos (actually that’s probably the least likely scenario but wouldn’t that be ironic).

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My husband and I in his village in Fiji 2 years ago. Traveling is my HEART!